We’re here to sell houses and chew bubblegum. We’re all out of bubblegum.
The Borrowing
“Did you get a look at your attacker?”
Gertrude looked down at her bare feet before responding to the patrolman.
“I told you, it was dark. And bright,” she explained. Her matted, grey hair clung to her scalp in incongruous clumps.
“Dark and bright. Got it, ma’am,” Officer Page replied, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. He was at the tail end of a double shift, and no loony old bat was going to cost him the first five minutes of Glee. SVU was going to give him eight kinds of hell for calling this one in, but they could kiss his wide Welsh keister. She would be their problem as soon as he finished up his incident report.
“How about height? Tall, short or average?”
“How would I know what’s little for a little, green man,” Gertrude asked.
“Okay, I’m just going to put down average,” the officer noted. He did the same for weight and listed race as other.
“And you say this little, green man … he, uh … probed you?”
He regretted the question before the words were out of his mouth. Sure as the crazy in this hag’s milky, hazel eyes, he’d just forfeited the title sequence.
She stared off into the night, appearing to see nothing and everything all at once.
“Yes, that animal probed me. In all my years, I’ve never been so mistreated. Not even that weekend in Puerta Vallarta when Harold, God rest his soul, mixed up his blood pressure medication with the Spanish fly that Marvin from the bowling league gave him as a gag gift for his seventy fifth birthday.” A violent shudder wracked her entire being. “I’ll never get that smell out of my nose. Like burning tires in a snowcone factory. Cold as ice, and scalding hot.”
“Cold and hot, got it. How many times have you been abducted, Ms. Gunderson?”
“Counting this time? Once,” Gertrude said. She began fiddling with the hole in the knee of her pantyhose.
“Let’s get back to the actual abduction. You say there was a bright light and tractor beam,” the officer asked, turning to wink at the dashboard camera in his cruiser as he did so. The fellas would eat this up, especially Pennington.
“I already told you all about that. One minute I’m sitting on the sofa watching my program, then before you can say Here’s Johnny, I’m flying through the bay window. Harold, God rest his soul, was always on me about leaving it open, but it was such a pleasant evening. Now are you going to sit here and ask questions all night, or are you going to catch the monster that had me spread out on that table like a fish,” Gertrude demanded.
“And what else did this … processor, you called him? What else did this processor do to you, ma’am,” the officer asked. He hazarded another glance at the camera, crossing his eyes and twirling his index finger near his temple in the universal pantomime for crazy.
“Are you having a laugh at me, sonny?”
“No, ma’am,” he replied, stiffening and turning back to find the galactic traveler eying him with evident suspicion.
“You look here, young man,” she began, wagging a crooked finger at the officer, “that thing is getting away while you have yourself a gay old time at my expense, and I won’t stand for it.”
“We need to make sure we get the right one is all, ma’am,” Page responded, suppressing a grin.
She continued to scrutinize him under a furrowed brow.
“He took my blood,” Gertrude said at last.
“You mean he drew some blood, like a sample?”
“No, I mean he took it. All of it.”
Page stared at the translucent face in front of him and suddenly felt pity. Nutter or not, this was someone’s mother, someone’s grandmother. The panicked family was probably canvassing the streets right now, wondering where she had wandered off to this time. He thought of his late Uncle JJ.
“How about we get you a cup of soup back at the station,” he suggested. He grasped the radio on his belt to call off the special victims unit. The lark had gone far enough.
“There’s no time,” Gertrude objected. “It could be violating somebody else right now! You have to stop it!”
“I understand, ma’am,” the officer began before she cut him off.
“You don’t believe me. Here, I’ll show you,” she interjected.
Before he could stop her, she withdrew a plastic spork from her purple, zebra-patterned handbag and plunged it deep into her forearm.
“Christ,” the officer shrieked, lunging for the makeshift shank.
He yanked it out by the white plastic handle, the beefy fingers of his left hand disappearing into the spongy folds of her triceps.
“Told you,” Gertrude boasted, extending her arm into the pale moonlight for him to see. Not a single crimson drop of blood arose from the fresh wound.
“What the hell,” Page exclaimed, directing the beam of his maglight to the mottled appendage. Three holes connected by a semi-circular gash, completely free of gore.
“It took my identity,” she informed the incredulous officer. “Poked me, prodded me. Stole my DNA and credit information.”
“Hold on,” Page objected, willing the jumbled thoughts in his head to coalesce. “Credit information? What would an ET want with your credit information?”
“I can’t rightly say, but it made me provide my social security number, date of birth and proof of employment on three separate forms. It also demanded bank statements for the past three months.”
The officer stood in slack-jawed silence. His eyes remained fixated on the bloodless wound.
“That’s the only reason it let me go, you know,” she continued. “I’m supposed to fax all of my documents by the end of the week.”
The patrolman’s radio squawked to life, startling him.
“Dispatch to one thirty eight,” a non-inflected voice croaked.
“One thirty eight, go, dispatch,” the officer responded.
“Are you still with the 13-1202, Page?”
“Affirmative. And look, this is going to sound crazy, but,” Page began.
“Hold fast, officer, a black and white is on its way to your location,” the voice interrupted.
“Copy,” Page responded, holstering the radio as a pair of headlights swung around the corner, bathing the pair in halogen light.
“It’s back! Oh, lord help us, it’s back,” the woman squealed.
Page had to physically restrain her as the driver side door opened.
“Got a guy in the back who thinks your lady might belong to him,” the approaching officer announced. “He’s been out looking for her all night. Found him talking to a cat over on twelfth.”
The rear door of the squad car swung open. All six eyes squinted against the glare at the form that stepped out.
“Gertrude,” an uncertain voice called.
“Harold?”
An old man shuffled forward with a hurried, laborious gait. Page released his hold on the woman, who lurched to meet the newcomer. The couple cast an enigmatic two-story shadow on the warehouse behind them as they shared a fierce hug, the officers looking on from just outside the glow of the headlights.
“What’s your guy’s story,” Page asked his colleague, checking the name on the badge.
“He’s not much help,” Officer Davies confessed. “Until dispatch put it together with your call, I figured the old coot was just confused.”
The two watched the couple in silence for a moment.
“Only thing he said that made any sense was that they were signing papers on a house this afternoon. From the sound of it, they haven’t taken out a new loan in damn near forty years,” Davies continued.
Page let out a low whistle.
“Poor bastards,” he acknowledged. “They wouldn’t have known what hit’em.”
“Apparently, the missus went outside to grab some air around the time they were redoing the affidavit statement because the signatures were outside of the margins. She never came back in,” Davies concluded.
“Ah, I get it now,” Page said.
“Come again,” asked Davies.
“When I first found her, she was mumbling weird numbers and trying to snatch something out of the air. Four point three five, two points. Four point eight, no origination … must have been the terms that finally made her snap.”
“You wanna deal with this, or should I,” Davies asked, taking a half step back from the scene.
“Ah hell, I’ll do it,” Page answered. “I already missed the Cardinals’ tip-off.”
“You mean the Suns?”
“Yeah, the Suns,” he acknowledged, feeling his face flush. “Besides, I’m refi’ing my house right now.”
“So?”
“So I want to see where they put the microchip.”
Won’t Appraise, You Say? Then Bring Me a Cash Buyer!
If only it were that simple. I’ve had this pearl lobbed across the kitchen table by a would-be Scottsdale home seller in denial more times than I can count, and I can count all the way to eleven, thank you very much. After all, it’s self-evident that the single most effective way to combat the potential deal-killing reality of a third party evaluation is not to have one. Thus, it never comes as a surprise when a homeowner objects to the recent sales data by flipping the script on my argument that there is no way on God’s green earth that the home would appraise for the lofty number in his/her head, even if some foolhardy buyer would prove willing to plunk down greenbacks well in excess of true market value.
“You need to find us a cash buyer so there won’t be an appraisal, then.”
While rummaging through my briefcase for the ready supply of cash buyers I keep on hand in case of emergency, I’m dismayed to find that there appears to be a hole in the bottom. All those investor whales who bleed money from their blowholes must have fallen out as their portfolios shrank to guppy size over the past few years.
There are cash buyers out there, but times have changed, people. This is not 2005-2006 where many “cash” buyers were actually relying on draining a HELOC to close. Or those others who have been bounced from the pool by decimated 401k’s and suddenly nonexistent pensions. The cash buyers who are still around in 2010 are genuine Daddy Warbucks types and professional investment syndicates.
Genuine. Cash. Buyers.
And you know what? Those with the coin to be players in the current market are not interested in overpaying for your, or any other, property. The only people buying homes at present, regardless of whether the property is a need or a want, are those intent on a modern day train robbery. When even the value-priced properties linger on the market as the slap-your-momma-value-priced properties are the ones being snapped up, the game plan is to grossly overprice your home in hopes of landing one of these cash buying makos? Seriously? Because they are so darned cute and cuddly, I gather?
As strategies go, I’d sooner advise trick or treating at Dick Cheney’s house as a pheasant hunter.
Happening upon a cash buyer is one of those fun eventualities that is largely determined by price point and fate. Those fortunate enough to have such a creature fall in their laps quickly learn that the cash comes with a steep price: negotiating disadvantage. If you are overpriced, your home won’t even be a blip on Mr. Moneybags’s radar. If you are priced in line with values, he will lowball you. If you are priced significantly under market, he still might attempt to haggle a little. After all, he has cash, and cash is king, right? You aren’t the only one who knows it.
While a cash offer may represent the panacea to the appraisal conundrum, the actual cash buyer is not a willing participant in the “I’m willing to spend whatever it takes, because I simply must have THIS HOUSE” game. He goes across the street and buys the ugly one for 100k less.
Don’t believe me? Let’s try a quick role-playing exercise.
You are a homebuyer in 2010. Through shrewd investment strategy, you have managed to not only hang on to your capital, but to actually amass a larger fortune during these lean economic times. Sensing that opportunities abound in Scottsdale Real Estate at present, you are in the market for a house or two. You might even live in one when you are not at the penthouse in Manhattan, the chalet in Brussels or the flat in London. You’ve studied the market, read all of the stories and spoken with your most trusted advisors. Putting to work the analytical mind that has served you so well in critical financial decision-making to this point … what are you going to buy?
Are you going to spend all day making doe eyes at some overpriced turkey playing hard to get, or are you going to fill your tag by blasting the one with a limp?
Thought so.
All Aboard the McCormick-Stillman Railroad in Scottsdale, AZ!
Digging through my old archives for additional community information I could use to populate this site, I came across this video I shot aboard the Standard Pacific Railroad at the McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park in McCormick Ranch (Scottsdale). Hard to believe it’s already been two and a half years since I shot this, as I barely recognize the cast in comparison to their 2010 doppelgangers. Time flies when you’re chasing your children around the house with a fire extinguisher full of holy water. Looking for something to do with the munchkins this weekend? There are worse ways to spend an afternoon. Enjoy.
All Aboard!
- Read More About the Railroad Park
- Read More About McCormick Ranch
- More Stuff To Do In Scottsdale
Failed Business Slogans
As I prepare to place a new business card order for the first time in forever, certain aspects of its predecessor can stand some revision. After years of template neglect, for instance, I’m humiliated to admit that my email still reflects the AOL address I acquired in college. While not amongst the technology snobs (you know who you are) that mock those still utilizing the America Online paradigm, I made the switch to a branded gmail account several years ago. I’d say I never looked back, but that would be a gross distortion of the truth as I have to log in sporadically to ensure I haven’t missed any correspondence from a holder of one of the 3″ x 2.5″ instruments of disinformation I continue to dispense with impunity. Or for confirmation of my Nigerian lotto winnings (funny, I don’t recall purchasing a ticket …). While ironing out such inconsistencies, it’s probably not a bad idea to include passing reference to the website to which I’ve devoted THE LAST TWO YEARS OF MY FREAKING LIFE either.
So I can be somewhat resistant to change, sue me. One person’s hoarding is another person’s preparedness. Roll your eyes if you must, but don’t come looking to borrow my red parachute pants when breakdancing comes back.
Amongst the myriad changes that Business Card 3.0 will entail, I figure it’s time to roll out a new tagline. You know, like Hasta la vista, buyer, or I’ll be back … with a standard AAR purchase contract. Just updated to have a relevant, modern edge. Given the changes in the industry over the past few years, I need a blurb that tells people I am hip to the new jive. Let’s try a few out.
Transparency, it’s all the rage in modern internet marketing. With that in mind, we could always cut straight to the quick with, You need a house. I sell houses. Boom, done.
Post-Bubble Apocalyptic: Leg stuck in a negative-equity bear trap? I have a saw.
Partisan: Freaking Obama. (alternate version: Freaking Boehner)
Short Sale Negotiation: Don’t call me, I’ll call you.
The Foreclosure Specialist: Predators, Incorporated. You need’em, we bleed’em.
The Roger Waters BPO: Hello, is there anybody in there?
The Lawrence Yun: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
The John Merrick: I am not an animal, I’m a licensed Realtor!
The Full Monty: I’m broke. Buy something!
The REHarmony.Com: Deep Levels of Compatibility with Your Money
The Ike Turner: Slapping the taste out of value’s mouth since 1999!
The British Petroleum: Your guide to housing values that have fallen by 2%. Okay maybe 5%. 15% tops. Alright, 60%, but it’s not like you can’t go commune with a cactus in the Gobi, you bunch of moisture-starved jawas.
The Chilean Miner: Trapped in an underground mortgage since 2006, and I all got was this lousy t-shirt.
The Baby Jessica: Posers.
The Max Von Sydow: Your REO Hellhole Exorcist
The B of A: Your One Man Foreclosure Moratorium
The FED: Going Out Of Business Sale, All Rates Must Go!
The Realist: Paul’s House of Puppeteering, Magic and Real Estate
The Obscurist: When your donkey brays in fiscal agony, don’t let it bleed out on the berber carpet
The Serial Market Killer: Have you checked the Zestimate? (alternate: It puts the charge-off on its credit)
On second thought, maybe I should just let the marketing talent at HA Media save me from myself.
Town & Country Scottsdale
Continuing the Unique Architecture in Scottsdale series, this edition focuses on the mid-century modern designs of famed local architect Ralph Haver. If you enjoyed the style of the Frank Lloyd Wright inspired homes of Mountain View East in McCormick Ranch, but are operating with a lesser budget, the South Scottsdale subdivision of Town & Country Scottsdale might be for you.
A small neighborhood of 62 homes, Town & Country Scottsdale is coveted as much for its downtown Scottsdale location as it is for its classic lines. Featuring the clerestory windows and sharp angles that make enthusiasts of contemporary design swoon, Haver homes are always in high demand. There are other Haver subdivisions scattered throughout Phoenix, but Town & Country Scottsdale is the only Haver neighborhood that has been designated “Historic.” Besides, it’s as Old Town Scottsdale as it gets.
These homes range in size from just under 1400 square feet to nearly 2400 square feet, and were constructed between 1952 and 1960.All properties are single-level and feature block construction. 35 have private pools.Some remain virtually untouched by time while others have been renovated from top to bottom.As such, the prices can fluctuate wildly between the upper $200,00s and the low $400,000s (as of the time of this posting).
For those who want their unique architecture on a budget, it is tough to beat this charming neighborhood. While this older area of Scottsdale has less flash than the new developments further north, it makes up for it in character. With the direction the cost of gas is heading, it’s hard to argue with the central location which allows residents to walk or bike to all of the downtown attractions (restaurants, nightspots, art galleries, etc).
South Scottsdale is typically thought of as entry-level housing to our community, but that doesn’t mean it has to entail a small, boring shoebox of a home. Town & Country proves that. With a resurgence of appreciation for this mid-century modern design, the future is bright for this neighborhood.
View homes for sale in Town and Country Scottsdale
Contact us to find the Scottsdale home that is unique as you are.
The Appointment
“I’m not going to GIVE my house away!”
Blaine leaned back in his seat, laced his fingers behind his head and closed his eyes. This appointment was over. It was over before it started, in fact. A humorless smile played at the corners of his mouth.
“Something funny,” the would-be seller demanded.
“No, Mr. Davis, nothing funny. It’s just been awhile since I’ve heard that one,” Blaine replied.
Opening his eyes, he was surprised to find his red-faced counterpart had gone an even angrier shade of crimson. The lone stop remaining in the color palette of denial was purple. He’d only seen purple once, and that poor bugger had stroked out right in front of him while discussing the merits of a leaky faucet in an inspection report. One more comparable sale placed upon the glass top of the breakfast table between them and he’d be calling Mr. Davis an ambulance.
“Goddamn Realtors. I was dealing with guys like you before you were born. You just want to slap the lowest price you can on a house so it sells fast,” the now twitching homeowner spat.
“I’m just showing you the data, Mr. Davis. Do you want to see the rest of it,” Blaine asked.
“Waste of time, I can see where you’re going. You want me to list my house at the same price that all of those bank and short sale properties sold for, but my home IS NOT DISTRESSED, you nitwit,” Mr. Davis railed.
“It’s awfully hard to propose an opinion of value without first presenting the background data, Mr. Davis,” Blaine countered. “I put two days into the analysis, but if you want me to cut straight to the chase, I will.”
“About time,” the seller scolded. Even his hair looked pissed.
“Five hundred thousand.”
“FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND?! I paid five fifty for it!”
“Yes, you did. Two years ago. In a declining market,” Blaine finished.
“But, but …,” Mr. Davis sputtered, “but then I have to pay commissions and closing costs on top of that?”
“Yes, sir.”
Blaine looked at his watch and fiddled with his briefcase. He knew exactly what was coming.
“Well, I’m not paying you to sell my house at a loss! Your commission will be whatever we get over five hundred,” Mr. Davis decreed.
“You don’t understand, Mr. Davis. Five hundred thousand is my recommended list price. I anticipate you will actually sell closer to four seventy five,” Blaine answered.
That did it. Mr. Davis turned purple.
“FOUR SEVEN- you want me to sell seventy five k below what I paid, and to pay you for the f&%$ing privilege,” Mr. Davis bellowed.
The sudden rise in octave caused a stirring behind one of the barnyard-themed curtains in the adjoining bay window. A black form exploded past Mr. Davis’s shoulder, leaving a tornado of paperwork in its wake as it shot across the table and out of the room.
“What the hell …,” Blaine mustered, absently pawing his face for blood.
“I guess Mordor doesn’t like your price, either,” Mr. Davis opined, cracking his first smile as he gestured in the direction the previously unseen cat had fled. His face receded to an animated pink, and the whites of his eyes returned, liberating the inquisitive green irises that had first greeted Blaine at the door. A deep sigh punctuated the sudden shift in disposition, and resignation washed across his creased features.
“List at five and sell for four seventy five, you say,” Mr. Davis asked.
“Yes, sir. That’s the best we can possibly hope for.”
“I suppose you have something for me to sign?”
“I do,” Blaine confirmed and withdrew the listing forms from his briefcase. He stooped to gather up his strewn paperwork while the seller signed the agreement, but was stifled by a light palm across his chest.
“It’s my mess, son. I’ll clean it up.”
———— <BEEP> <BEEP> <BEEP> <BEEP> <BEEP> <BEEP> ———–
Blaine blindly groped the nightstand for the shrieking alarm. Finding it, he pressed random buttons until the dark room returned to silence. Once fully immersed in the wakeful world, dread began forming in the pit of his stomach. Yet another day of unlistable listing appointments. A quick shower and quicker breakfast, and he was out the door, for once hoping to cross paths with a few black cats.
Life’s Too Short To Work With Jerks
… but too long to label someone as such within 30 seconds of making their acquaintance.
A common theme across the Real Estate net is a gleeful willingness to drop a potential client like they’re hot if deep levels of compatibility with the affronted agent do not reveal themselves within five seconds of introduction. Talk down to me in our initial correspondence? Adios, muchacho! Dare to erect contact limitations or dictate a preferred method of communication? Bon voyage, bubba! Unilaterally impose any restrictions whatsoever upon our future relationship? Sayonara, sucka!
For a line of work that requires a teflon-coated epidermis, we Realtors can be a squishy bunch. In what other field would a business person refrain from taking on bill-paying work because the tone of an email seems mildly strident? A message from a complete stranger who is taking a leap of faith by merely initiating first contact via a spam-inviting contact form, mind you. No wonder so many in our ranks are crying the blues about the current state of the economy, as we appear slow to receive the memo that most no longer have the luxury of turning business away simply because a client lead has an annoying voice, a face reminiscent of the junior high bully, responds to painstakingly crafted emails in terse staccato bursts, or … heaven forbid, is just plain mean.
The horror … the horror …
There are, and there always will be, people I refuse to put in my car – pedophiles, overt racists/sexists/anything ‘ists. I will not tolerate personal abuse. Or Justin Bieber fans. Those rare sociopathic encounters notwithstanding, prematurely casting aside difficult personalities because I’d rather my job be stressless than profitable is not a winning formula for a career I’d like to see advance through another decade.
Business is hard if you are actually doing business. It is only easy if you are broke.
So give me your tired, your wary, your befuddled masses with whom you refuse to work because they have the audacity to treat you like the business you are, and not their best friend. I’ll sell them a house and go home to delouse.
The next five years in this business ain’t for sissies. If you think you can survive them by ignoring the tough customers, be grateful there are always job openings in La La Land.
No One Cares About The Fun Bubble
Open houses were how I made my initial bones in the Real Estate business. One of the tried and true methods for encountering the home buying public in its natural environment, it proved to be the old school prospecting technique that was the best fit for my sensibilities as a rookie agent. Why sit in a hermetically sealed cubicle, cold calling non-receptive “leads,” when those with an interest in a product type, if not the actual product I was hawking, would willingly walk through the front door and engage me in non-abusive conversation? Actual face time with actual consumers, you can’t beat it.
Lacking a single stalwart in my empty stable of listings at that nascent stage of my career, it wasn’t unusual for me to sit open the listings of colleagues. One in particular still stands out. A gorgeous semi-custom Spanish style home in McCormick Ranch, I couldn’t wait to throw my directional signs all over the neighborhood and wait for the inevitable human deluge. A planned community that is one of the few pockets that produces enough traffic to make the exercise worthwhile, chances were good that I would pick up a few decent buyer leads, if not sell the property on the spot.
The day before the scheduled open house, I met the owner at the property to introduce myself and assure him I was not a kleptomaniacal serial killer. Satisfied I wasn’t there to steal the toaster, he proceeded to give me the tour. I’d already previewed the home prior to selecting it as a viable open house candidate, but I was happy to oblige the owner’s turn as proud tour guide.
Until we got to the fun bubble.
A property that featured newer construction and more modern architecture than neighboring subdivisions, granite countertops, porcelain tile flooring and additional hot button features too numerous to count, and the poor, misguided soul had it in his mind that demonstrating the “fun bubble” feature in the swimming pool would sway potential buyers to slap their cash down on the barrel. Now, I like fun, and I like bubbles, but frankly, this bubble was apathetic at best. As I have yet to encounter the buyer who includes a fun bubble amongst his/her criteria, however, the fun factor is largely irrelevant. Your pool could turn into a cauldron of unmitigated mirth at the turn of a rheostat, and I am still not demonstrating it to every buyer who walks through the front door. That’s not salesmanship. That’s “What do I have to do to get you in this house today?”
The oft overlooked component of selling is the ability to discern what is of material import to a prospective customer, and what is … well … a fun bubble.
Following a buyer around a home like the security guard at Ross is more likely to result in a restraining order than a ratified purchase contract. Selling the brushed nickel doorknobs, blood red curtains, pewter towel racks and five-bladed ceiling fan to the prospect who is only interested in the room dimensions is a losing proposition. You run the risk of chasing away a perfectly good buyer before reaching an item of any import to him, and/or missing a chance at the other prospect wandering down the opposite hallway unescorted while you yammer on about the Pella windows on a home that is $200,000 out of mark number one’s price range.
Enthusiasm and pride of ownership is commendable, but leave some mystery for the second showing. Gotta make sure the hook is firmly set before we can encapsulate your buyer in a bubble of home buying fun.
“Is Now a Good Time to Buy a House?” – Scottsdale Real Estate FAQ
You have Scottsdale Real Estate questions.
We have answers.
Q: Is now a good time to buy a house in Scottsdale?
A: Forgive me for answering a question with a question. Do you need a house? The best time to buy a house is when you need one. Conditions are advantageous for buyers who can scrape up the requisite down payments and qualify for financing due to low interest rates and home values, but such external factors are irrelevant if you are not in the market for a new home. It’s probably a great time to buy a car right now, too, but are you going to rush right out and get one if your current vehicle serves your present needs? We agent types like to drum up business by urging consumers to act before a window of opportunity closes forever, but don’t let outside forces push you into a purchase based on fear or avarice. Likewise, don’t let extraneous market “noise” prohibit you from making the right purchase for your current needs. Obsessive market watching tends to lead to the dreaded “analysis paralysis,” which shackles a would-be buyer to indecisiveness. We all want to buy when the market is most conducive to securing a bargain, but such considerations must be in concert with, not mutually exclusive of, present need. Good and bad purchases are made every day.
Q: How much off the listing price should I offer?
A: Seeing that every sale involves a different seller, it’s a losing proposition to think in terms of a standard percentage of offer price to list price. Not only is the financial position of every seller unique, there is little with more emotional attachment than a home. Carve off an unrealistic amount in an initial offering, and you risk alienating the seller. You torpedo the negotiation before it even begins. Even when you remove emotion from the equation, such as with bank-owned property or short sales, the offer should be based upon value, not an arbitrary formula. For instance, if a bank-owned property is 100k undervalued in the list price, you can forget about knocking 10% off an already solid bargain. Consider yourself lucky if multiple suitors don’t show up to bid it up well over asking price. On the other hand, if a home is overpriced by 100k, offering 90% of list price likely means you would be overpaying considerably. Each property and its owner are unique, as should be the consideration that goes into the crafting of your offer.
Q: What’s all the fuss I keep hearing about appraisals?
A: Appraisals, and financing in general, comprise the soft underbelly of our slow-motion Real Estate recovery. The challenges start with the professional who is tasked with performance of the appraisal. New regulations were enacted to prevent fraudulent evaluations from artificially inflating home values, but we’ve traded one set of problems for another. These days the appraiser is essentially picked from a hat to prevent conflicts of interest. Unfortunately, this means that out of area appraisers of varying degrees of competence are often charged with evaluating homes in neighborhoods they have never previously worked. Further, as a designated “declining market,” even the home that closed across the street just last month is subject to a markdown in value to allow for depreciation in that short period of time since it closed escrow. Until we can overcome this stigma, home values will continue to be adjusted downward from the recent sales comps. Factor in the multiple appraisals that are often required for FHA financing on “flipped home” purchases (homes that sold within 90-120 days of the current transaction), and loan underwriters with the authority to review and reject the appraiser’s findings, and you get the minefield we have today.
Q: Should I pay off my credit cards to qualify for a loan?
A: Don’t even break wind without consulting your lender first. While I would hope that it is obvious that major purchases are off limits during loan qualification/processing (can affect debt to income ratios, credit scores, cash reserves, etc), many a home purchase has been derailed by the misguided good samaritanism of the borrower. You may need the good credit associated with the line that you aim to shut down or deplete required cash reserves that are necessary to gain full loan approval. Never assume that paying something down or off is beneficial to your unique financial profile without first consulting your mortgage professional.
Q: Should I bother with an inspection and final walk-through on an “as is” transaction?
A: The nature of an “as is” sale is one of the most fundamentally misunderstood concepts in Real Estate. Assuming that the purchase is made utilizing the standard Arizona Association of Realtors “As Is” addendum and the boiler plate language is not contradicted anywhere in the contract, all you are really agreeing to is the dismissal of seller warranties as to the condition of the property. You maintain full inspection rights with the option to walk away from the sale if condition is unsatisfactory. There is nothing that precludes you from requesting repairs at that point as well, the seller is simply not contractually bound to make any. As to the walk-through, it is important that you verify the property is still in substantially the same condition at closing as it was when the contract was signed. “As is” reflects the condition of the property at the time of the agreement. Any subsequent damage to the property is the responsibility of the seller. If the A/C has stopped working, or a tree fell on the roof, you likely have a case to demand repair or walk away from the sale.
Q: What am I actually looking for in a title report?
A: In short, you want to make sure the seller’s Uncle Willy from Topeka, who hasn’t been seen or heard from in forty years, doesn’t pop up after closing to claim an ownership interest in the property. Tax liens, mechanic’s liens, encroachments, easements, back HOA dues … you are basically looking for anything that can preclude your full rights to ownership and use of the property. I always pay special attention to the “Schedule B” of the preliminary title report that is furnished during the escrow period by the title company as it lists those items that will be exceptions to the title insurance policy. Gremlins that might pop up after closing, and will be outside of the scope of your title insurance coverage, typically hide here. With the abundance of short sales, foreclosures, tax sales, etc in our midst, the transference of clean title to a buyer has never been more rife with potential sabotage. If you are purchasing a bank-owned property, or really any property with recent changes in ownership, you want to make sure all encumbrances on the property have been or will be resolved in advance of settlement. Short sale buyers will need to know that the seller’s lienholders have, in fact, agreed to release the lien(s) on the property at closing. While these are functions of the chosen title company, they are not matters that can be taken for granted in 2010. All of those documents supplied by the title company during the escrow process that nobody used to read? Read them. If you aren’t sure which items are cause for concern, ask your agent. If your agent doesn’t know (or instill confidence in you that he does), contact a Real Estate attorney to review and advise.
Prevailing wisdom may label this a “buyer’s market,” but there are things roaming around out there in the haze. Biting things. Make sure you know what you are doing before stumbling out of the house, armed only with a pre-qual letter.
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Ray and Paul Slaybaugh are NOT attorneys. None of the opinions herein should be construed as legal advice. Should you have specific legal questions regarding the purchase or sale of Real property, contact a Real Estate Attorney.
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The Foreclosure Moratorium: An Opportunity for Mom & Pop Home Sellers?
With the latest scuttlebutt in the housing industry centering around a rising political push for a large scale foreclosure moratorium by leading lending institutions, most are aware that Bank of America became the first to issue a temporary nationwide pause in foreclosures this past week. Though B of A is the first to stay their executions across all fifty states, JP Morgan Chase and GMAC agreed to halt foreclosures in the 23 states where foreclosure is a judicial process. The pressure to do so originated over procedural impropriety in several specific locales, and has snowballed into wholesale questioning of the internal processes of the major banks. Mounting concern over erroneous foreclosures spawned the voluntary cessation (expected to last several weeks). While Wells Fargo has spurned calls to do the same, it would not be surprising to see more institutions yield to the rising pressure and follow suit.
What does this mean? Plenty has already been written about this with homeowners facing foreclosure and prospective buyers in mind, so I won’t belabor those perspectives here. Suffice it to say that while any additional quality control that can prevent people from wrongly losing their homes to foreclosure would be a good thing, the upshot in terms of market reaction is likely to be a collective shrug of the shoulders. Not content to simply halt the actual act of foreclosure, B of A is temporarily taking their inventory off the market while the review is ongoing. It’s been posited that fewer listings will translate to a possible surge in prices, but this is pure mularky. The market simply does not react in a matter of a few weeks to any stimulus, as it takes time for consumers to make heads or tails out of new developments and how they translate to negotiable strength. On the contrary, I think this will make buyers who are already non-harried take even more of a wait and see approach. Rather than buying what is left, those who are not under a time crunch to get into a new house will probably just wait for the moratorium to end and for the withheld inventory to flood the market. In essence, we could be looking at an unintentional buying moratorium as well.
Though it would be foolish to anticipate a surge in values, the one segment of the consumptive spectrum that stands to gain from this turn of events is the non-distressed homeowner. With a small window opening for mom & pop home sellers to compete with significantly fewer bank homes for buyers, I would not be shocked at all to see a percentage gain of resale home sales while overall sales volume remains flat, or even declines slightly, in the coming weeks. I expect many buyers will choose to wait it out, but there are those who do not have the luxury of time. Be it a job relocation, family circumstances, etc, there are always buyers who need to buy now. With fewer distressed properties on the market, and likely buyer uncertainty over how this will translate to the short sale arena (will B of A process short sales while foreclosures are in limbo, or pause all such decisions? Will short sale sellers temporarily remove their homes from the market in anticipation of a reprieve?), this could be the traditional seller’s best opportunity to vie for buyers in quite some time.
Again, don’t misconstrue the knee-jerk hypothesis. The value of your home is not going to spike due to this temporary phenomenon, nor are you suddenly in the catbird’s seat. For those in an equitable position to sell, this window merely represents the best possibility to attract a buyer in months.
No screwing around – price your home right and get it sold while there are fewer alternatives for buyers. As a regular seller, with the tax credit gone as a buyer incentive and microscopically low interest rates and low prices not translating to appreciable gains in sales/values, you have to leverage every conceivable strength in this market to accomplish your goals.
Ready to sell your Scottsdale home? Contact us today to schedule a no-obligation consultation, but do it fast. When the moratorium ends and the holidays are fast approaching, it will be time to hunker down for another long, cold winter.