The Scottsdale Property Shop
Humor & Fiction Archives
All work and no play makes Paul a dull boy ...
Repair Demand Negotiation: Behind the Scenes of a Real Estate Transaction
............................................................................................................................................................................. OU812 E. Impasse Trail …GOOD NEWS!!! Jan 1 (5 days ago) Reply [v] Dear Barry, ...
It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a … What the Hell Is It?
Somewhere in 2008 … “Yeah, and if Abe Lincoln wore a skirt, he’d a been the bearded lady,” Ramiro scoffed. “Look, I don’t care how it got there, all I’m telling you is it wasn’t there on Tuesday.” The three flannel clad men stood shoulder to shoulder around a five by...
The Poltergeist Home Inspection Report
Date: 12/17/10 Location: 666 S. Hanson LN, Scottsdale, AZ 85258 Client: Scheptich, Myron Present At Time of Inspection: Buyer, Buyer’s Agent, Malevolent Spirit(s) Time of Inspection: 1:57 PM MST Weather Conditions: 72F degrees, clear skies, light winds out of the SE....
Desk Job
“And here is the mezzanine. Happy hour runs between five and six, Monday through Friday. Three dollar wells and half-price appetizers. You have to try the shrimp cocktail. It’s to die for.” The new arrival looked about in wide-eyed wonder. He hadn’t known what exactly...
The Borrowing
“Did you get a look at your attacker?” Gertrude looked down at her bare feet before responding to the patrolman. “I told you, it was dark. And bright,” she explained. Her matted, grey hair clung to her scalp in incongruous clumps. “Dark and bright. Got it, ma’am,”...
Failed Business Slogans
As I prepare to place a new business card order for the first time in forever, certain aspects of its predecessor can stand some revision. After years of template neglect, for instance, I'm humiliated to admit that my email still reflects the AOL address I acquired in...
The Appointment
“I’m not going to GIVE my house away!” Blaine leaned back in his seat, laced his fingers behind his head and closed his eyes. This appointment was over. It was over before it started, in fact. A humorless smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Something funny,”...
The Bogus Gimmick of the Week: Calling All Carnivores!
Man was not meant to live on plants alone. It's true. For the fruit and nuts enthusiasts in our midst, I point to the presence of your canines as proof that you are doing it wrong. While your squeamish frontal lobe may prevent you from supping on our furry friends,...
Paradise Lost
"You mean, it's ours? It's really ours?" They were so excited. Even after I handed them the keys, they were slow to believe that the modest Spanish bungalow was now in their adoptive custody. Over the course of four exasperating months, we must have seen and dismissed...
The Bogus Gimmick of the Week: Free-Falling
Last week's stint in the frozen food section didn't cool you all the way off, you say? That's the thing about summer. It's still summer when you go back outside. What if I were to up the ante and solicit your business with the promise of something a bit more...